* * *


an A through Z of recipes


Aya's Angsty Assassination Apples

This is a great, fast treat if you have a busy schedule and need to decimate the Takatori family or pretend you have an interest in mulch, etc.

2 medium apples (Aya likes fuji, but Yohji likes gala, just don't get the school-cafeteria mealy red ones)
3 tbs. brown sugar
3 tbs. butter
one shot goldschlager (optional)
1/4 cup apple cider or juice (if you haven't got any, use just enough water to moisten the sugar)

In a microwavable casserole dish, combine cored apple slices (Ken can do this really fast with his claw, just make sure he's cleaned it recently. Ew.), three tbs. butter or margarine, and about the same amount of brown sugar. Sprinkle with about two shakes cinnamon and a tbs. of goldschlager, and 1/4 cup apple juice.

Nuke, covered (so you won't spatter the microwave and have Omi yell at you), for three minutes (microwaves vary, in this case until the sugar and butter has melted with apple juice into a decadent slurry). Stir, and spoon sauce up over apples. Microwave again for three to five minutes or until apples are semi-soft. Cool slightly so that the dessert won't burn your lips off, and serve as is or with cream (whipped or just drizzled over) or vanilla ice cream.

Go out for photo shoot.

Billy Lee Black's B&JM Bananas

Favorite of the orphanage chibis.

1 14 oz. can coconut milk (regular or light)
3 large bananas, sliced
3 tbs. brown sugar
1 tsp. vanilla
pinch salt

On medium heat, simmer all ingredients for ten minutes.

Serve immediately. Makes four servings, and sends the little rugrats right into dreamland... until Jessie gets home.

Bouncer Boys' Breakfast Bagels

Good for breakfast or anytime, especially around eight at night when you're just rolling out of bed to go on shift and rescue small blonde girls with dopey French names. This is a weekend favorite at the bishonenink casa. ^_~

2 bagels
2 eggs
2 slices muenster or american cheese
2 slices sandwich ham

Slice bagels in half, toast. In a bowl, beat the two eggs and pour into a greased heated small skillet, swirling to cover bottom of pan. Cook, loosening egg from the side of pan as it sets. When the bottom is set, flip the eggs and cook a little longer, then slice in half, fold, and place on bottom halves of bagels.

In the egg skillet, fry the ham slices just long enough to make them hot. Slide the ham on top of the egg halves and top with a slice of cheese and the bagel top.

Makes two sandwiches, just enough for two fanfic writers, or for one Bouncer. (Unless you're Volt, in which case you might want to make three.)

Cherry Zima Threesomes

You say you haven't read the fic that started it all? Well. That's probably for the best. Zima doesn't exist stateside anymore, so try this with lemon-lime soda for a N/A version, or some champagne for a classy upgrade. After all, we're all a little older and wiser now.

three liberal shots of cherry syrup
cherry jolly rancher
whipped cream
maraschino cherry

In a glass of ice combine zima and cherry syrup. Drop in the cherry jolly rancher.

Top with whipped cream and a cherry... and share.

Dynamic Duo's Dilly Bread

If we could, the Tenshi and the llama would live on this stuff. Make it on a Friday and have it all weekend, if it lasts that long. Fantastic served in warm, thick slices, with butter. ^_^ Numerous drafts of fanfic and playstation controllers have greasy fingerprints on them due to this stuff.

1 pkg dry active yeast, dissolved in 1/4 cup warm water
1 cup room-temperature cottage cheese
1 tbs dry minced onion
1 tbs butter
2 tbs dill
1 egg
2 1/2 cups all-purpouse flour

Combine all ingredients except flour in large mixing bowl, mix well. Add in one cup of flour and mix in until you have a very sticky dough, then add in the rest of the flour a little at a time. (At some point you may have to take it out of the bowl and knead it in.) Raise bread in a greased bowl, covered with a towel and in a warm spot, until double (about 1 hour). Punch dough down and shape into a roundish loaf. Place in a well greased 1 quart glass casserole dish and raise again (about 45 minutes) Bake at 350 for 40-50 minutes until golden brown. Brush top with butter when done.

Write fic.

Draco's Death by Chocolate Cake

Dark wizards have perfected the art of having their cake and eating it too. Not that the Malfoys are Dark wizards, of course. Nonsense. Nothing at all to do with You-Know-Who. Pure rumor. You saw nothing, if you value your life.

3 pkg ladyfingers (The cookies, you disgusting Mudblood you. No wonder we have a bad reputation.)
1/2 cup dark rum (The Darker, the better, I say)
1 1/2 lb. butter (No substitutes.)
27 oz semisweet chocolate chips
12 eggs (Yes, twelve. It's death by chocolate cake, not torture by slow artery clog. Do it right.)
2 1/2 cup heavy cream
1/4 cup sugar
1 tsp. vanilla
2 tbs. Vegetable oil

For Muggles:

Paint outside of the ladyfingers with rum, and place flat side down, around the sides and on the bottom of a 10 in. springform pan. Melt butter in medium pan; remove from heat and add 24 oz. of the chocolate bits. Stir until melted; cool slightly. Beat the egg yokes into the mixture one at a time until all are incorporated into the chocolate. Beat the egg whites until they form stiff, not dry, peaks. Fold the whites into the chocolate mixture, and pour into the lined springform pan. Chill for at least 6 hours.

Whip the cream until thickened and add the sugar and vanilla. Continue whipping until very stiff. Turn the cake onto a serving platter, removing the pan sides and bottom (the lady fingers will now be on top). Spread a layer of whipped cream over the entire cake, then pipe the rest of the whipped decoratively however you wish around the cake (see Drakkar D. Scribbit's book Cooking for the Dark Side for fun decorating ideas). Melt the remaining chocolate chips with the oil in a double boiler. Cool completely. Dribble the sauce down the sides of the cake. Garnish with stemmed candied cherries. Store in the refrigerator.

For Wizards:

Assemble ingredients during the waning phase of the moon (best on the new moon). Wave wand nine times in a counter-clockwise direction, while reciting: Chocolatus Maximus Morte Imperitum.

Store with a chill spell to keep cool.

Serves sixteen wizards, Dark or otherwise.

Elena's End-of-the-World Eggs

Since Reno only cooks when it's something glamorous, like Christmas, SOMEBODY has to make sure the Turks don't starve in the aftermath of meteor. Men. Valentine-san is very fond of this one when he's been up late at the mansion and has a bit of a sleep-in in the morning.

2 cups plain croutons
1 cup (4oz) shredded cheddar cheese (Rude is really good about shredding cheese for you if you ask.)
4 eggs, slightly beaten (Do NOT allow Reno to perform this operation. He has problems with 'slightly'.)
2 cups milk (If Rufus has not put every damn bit in his coffee again.)
1/2 tsp salt
dash pepper
1/2 tsp dry mustard
1/8 tsp onion powder
4 slices bacon, cooked to a crisp

Preheat oven to 325. Combine croutons and cheese in greased 10 x 6 or similar baking dish. In bowl combine eggs, milk, salt, pepper, mustard, and onion powder. Whisk until blended. Pour egg mixture over croutons. Crumble cooked bacon over all. Bake for 55-60 minutes until eggs are set.

Wake up your surviving coworkers.


(Thanks to the llama's granmamma, who I'm sure has no idea what we've done to this recipe. ^_#)







Guibu's Gyros

Something to share with a lover on those cool Palsian nights...

1 cup plain yogurt (yeah, like there were Dairy Marts in ancient Persia)
2 tbs. fresh dill
1 large clove garlic, minced
1 tsp. lemon juice

1 lb. skinless boneless chicken breasts cut in 1/2 inch pieces
1 tsp. dried oregano
1 tsp. dill
2 tbs. olive oil
2 medium onions, thinly sliced

Heat 1 tbs. oil in heavy large skillet over medium-high heat. Add chicken and sauté until brown (about 5 minutes) transfer to plate. Add 1 tbs. oil and sauté onions until they begin to brown (about 10 minutes). Return chicken, any juices, and 1 tbs. lemon juice to skillet. Stir until heated through.

Heat pita rounds and serve with cucumber, tomato, lettuce, and a good story.

Helmholz' Holy Solarian Sorbet

If your unit's the last one surviving the game and the home country's been blown to hell, what should you do? In this case, the Gebler Handbook recommends that you get roaring drunk. (The Gebler handbook seems to have been written by Jesiah Blanche, shortly before he defected.) SO, if you happen to be waiting out that boring gate-destruction part of the game, here's something to keep you occupied (and drunk for the doubly mind-numbing anima dungeons, depending on how much of the ingredients you sample).

vanilla ice cream (Breyers is best, or use whatever Citan left in the freezer.)
canned peaches (Fresh ones are too nice, eat them straight.)
frozen raspberries (See above.)
amaretto (Better sample this to be sure.)
peach or raspberry schnapps (Setter bample this su be snure.)
(Helm: I'm not drunk, that's Solarian. Really.)

whipped cream (The squirty kind.)
plastic margarita cups (Wal-Mart has fun ones for under a buck.)

Cover one cup of frozen raspberries with about 2 tbs. sugar and let sit for about ten minutes (go to the bridge of the Ygg and make your party jump up and down on Sigurd's head while you wait. It's a riot).

Then, in blender, combine the raspberries and half the can of peaches, with a little syrup, blending until you have a nice red puree. To this add one conservative shot of amaretto and one liberal shot of schnapps, to taste. (Tenshi first made this recipe up for Valentine's dinner, and she was very vague about it; you won't mess up, trust me.) Blend for about as long as it takes you to sing the chorus of "Whip It". (If you do not KNOW the chorus of "Whip It" you are too young to be making this dessert). Pour the puree into a cup or bowl and set aside.

In blender (you needn't rinse it), toss in three generous scoops of ice cream and blend until almost smooth. Add half the puree and blend again. When the mixture is an even pink, pour it into a margarita glass, cover with plastic wrap and stick it in the freezer. Repeat the process for the other shake with the remaining puree. To get the right texture, they should chill for about three hours, until slightly firm. But, there is no reason to wait if you want to have them right away. To serve, cover entire top with whipped cream and garnish with a raspberry, just to look pro.

Way better than the Soylent System.

Hiei's Hellatious Hotwings

Baking this dish by use of your Kokoryuu-ha is NOT recommended, because although it will get the wings done perfectly in two minutes, you will pass out and the rest of the Reikai Tantei will eat them without you. Then you will be forced to kill them.

2 1/2 pounds chicken wings, trimmed and separated (Save the tips for soup if you are Martha Stewart or Kurama, otherwise throw them away. If you are a fire demon, you can eat them raw, but this is not recommended for ningen.)
1/2 stick of butter/margarine
4 - 5 tablespoons Tabasco, or other hot sauce
enough oil to deep-fry

In a saucepan, melt butter. Add hot sauce to melted butter (amount of sauce is to taste. If preparing for Oni, empty the bottle and multiply all ingredients times 100 or so to make enough servings). After mixing the butter/hot sauce, lower heat. Heat frying oil to medium high and deep fry wings until brown and crisp, 10 to 15 minutes. Drain on a paper towel.

Put wings in saucepan, and toss to coat evenly. Transfer to platter and serve with Blue Cheese (traditional) or Ranch dressing and celery sticks.

Just the thing for SuperBowl or Makai Tournament parties.

Irvine's Galbadian Tequila Chicken

In the Galbadian plains, the food is hot and the boys are hotter, and it's not dinner if it hasn't got a little shot of something special. This dish is traditional fare at Spring Break parties throughout Galbadia. Irvine set up shop with a grill at Balamb's Garden Festival, and nearly had half his ingredients confiscated by Quistis Trepe before the party even started.
Well, I didn't think he needed FOUR BARRELS of the stuff. -Quistis
A guy's gotta save up for emergencies, Q.T. -Irvine
The ENTIRE library committee was DRUNK! And don't call me Q.T.
Zell wasn't complaining. He said that little girl with the braid just--
Get on with the recipe, Kinneas.

1 cup water
1/3 cup teriyaki sauce
2 tsp lime juice
2 tsp minced garlic
1 tsp mesquite liquid smoke flavoring
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp ground ginger
1/4 tsp Black Joe Chocobo Tequila (Or similar brand. This is hard to get outside of Galbadia, unless you're in Irvine's private store. Irvine usually adds a little more than the recipe calls for; that's up to you. ^_~)

4 chicken breast fillets

Galbadian-Ranch Dressing:
1/4 cup mayonnaise
1/4 cup sour cream
1 tbs milk
2 tsp minced tomato
1 1/2 tsp white vinegar
1 tsp minced canned jalapeno slices
1 tsp minced onion
1/4 tsp dried parsley
1/4 tsp Tabasco pepper sauce
1/8 tsp each of salt, dried dill weed, paprika, cayenne pepper, cumin, and chili powder
dash garlic powder
dash ground black pepper

1 cup shredded cheddar/monterey jack cheese blend
2 cups crumbled corn chips or fried tortilla strips

Prepare marinade by combining marinade ingredients in a medium bowl. Add the chicken to the bowl, cover and chill for 2 to 3 hours. (Don't marinade for more than 4 hours, or the lime juice'll make your chicken tough.

Make the dressing by combining all of the ingredients in a medium bowl. Mix well until smooth, then cover dressing and chill it until needed.

When you are ready to prepare the entree, preheat the oven to high broil. Also, preheat your barbecue or indoor grill to high heat. When the grill is hot cook the marinated chicken breasts for 3 to 5 minutes per side, or until they're done.

Arrange the cooked chicken in a baking pan. Spread a layer of Galbadian-ranch dressing over each piece of chicken (you'll have plenty left over), followed by 1/4 cup of the shredded cheese blend. Broil the chicken for 2 to 3 minutes, or just until the cheese has melted.

Spread a bed of 1/2 cup of the tortilla strips or crumbled corn chips on each of four plates. Slide a chicken breast onto the chips on each plate and serve with your choice of rice, and pico de gallo, or salsa.

Serves 4.

Not complaining now, Q.T.?
Shuttup and pass the salsa, Kinneas.

Jesiah's Jambalaya

Cuisine in Aquvy is reminicent of the Louisiana Bayou, with what's-on-hand often getting thrown into the pot at once. This recipe can take almost any form of meat, though hob-steak might be hard to find at your local market.

2 cups uncooked long grain rice
1/2 cup margarine (melted)
1/2 cup vegetable oil
2 cups onions (chopped)
1 bell pepper (chopped)
4 cloves garlic (minced)
6 cups meat (chicken, shrimp, oysters, crawfish, sausage, salt-meat, hob-steak, bearcow, either alone or in combo)
1/2 cup whole tomato (squeezed)
3 cup chicken broth
1 tbs Worcestershire sauce
4 tbs Jesiah's Special Sauce (substitute Louisiana hot sauce of your choice)
1 tbs spice blend (Mrs. Dash, Old Bay, etc.)
3 tsp salt
1 tsp cayenne pepper
1/4 stick sweet cream butter (melted)
1/2 cup green onions (sliced)
4 tbs parsley (minced)

In a 5 quart cast iron Dutch oven, mix rice and melted margarine together thorougly, making sure all rice is coated. In a 12 inch heavy aluminum skillet, heat the cooking oil over high heat and saute the onions, bell pepper and garlic until they start to brown. Drop in meats and fry them along with the seasonings. Mix the meats and sauteed vegetables into the raw rice, and toss in the remaining ingredients, except the green onions and parsley. Pour in the butter and mix everything together until well blended. Cover the Dutch oven tightly and bake at 375 for 45 minutes. Toss in green onions and parsley, stir the jambalaya to mix all the ingredients, cover the pot and continue to bake for another 15 minutes or until the rice is tender.

Great with friends, whether or not they've broken out the bodypaint.

Koenma's Key Lime Pie

Winner of the 1467th annual Rei-Kai bake-off. In the Rei-Kai, the glowing pink dokidoki lime is used, and cautiously. While Florida Key Limes are rumored to also be an aphrodisiac, they won't make your guests immediately begin lunging passionately for each other. If you do happen to get some dokidoki limes for this dish, only share it with really close friends and make sure you don't have to be anywhere for the next week or so. Koenma won't say where he got the recipe, but it does have a particular kitsune touch.

1 3/4 cups sweetened condensed milk
4 egg yolks
6 tablespoons lime juice (Key or otherwise; if using dokidoki limes, be sure to subdue them with a mallet before juicing)
1 9 inch prepared ghraham cracker pie shell
1 1/2 cups heavy cream, whipped
1/4 teaspoon vanilla
1 fresh lime, sliced

Preheat oven to 250 degrees.

Combine milk and eggs in a blender or food processor on low speed. Slowly add lime juice, mixing until well blended. Pour into pie shell and bake 20 minutes. Let cool and refregerate. Before serving, top with whipped cream and a slice of lime.

OR, just have Botan bring you one from the Ningenkai.

Laguna's Lasagna

Veggie! Just for Kiros.

In a medium bowl, mix:
1 zucchini, shredded (about 1 cup's worth, try to find creative uses for 1/2 a zucchini)
2 cups spaghetti sauce (any flavor)

In another bowl mix:
1 10oz package frozen spinach, thawed and drained
1 1/2 cup (12oz) ricotta cheese
1/3 cup grated parmesan
2 tbs. fresh or 1 1/2 tsp. dried oregano

Have ready:
mushrooms, sliced (Make your life easier-- buy them fresh already sliced, if you can get 'em that way.)
2 cups shredded mozzarella
8 COOKED lasagna noodles (7 x 3 inches)

In an 8 or 9 inch square baking dish, spread 1/2 cup of sauce mixture, then layer 2 noodles, 1/4 of remaining sauce mixture, 1/4 of spinach mixture, 1/4 of mushroom slices, and 1/4 mozzarella. Repeat three more times. Heat oven to 400 and cover dish with foil. Bake for 45 minutes, then remove foil and bake for 10 minutes longer. Let stand 10 minutes before serving.

Or, as this is rather complicated, you can do what Laguna REALLY does, which is to call Vinnie's Pasta & Bar down the street and have them deliver. Kiros won't let him cook anymore, after the incident with the pomegranates.

Zell: Pomegranates?
Laguna: Wellllll...
Kiros: *eyebrow raised* Yes?
Laguna: It was Squall's fault.
Squall: Leave me out of this.
Zell: No, now I wanna know.
Laguna: YOU said you could do it with your gunblade. The STAINS are still on the CEILING.
Squall: But YOU said that if I did you would hold STILL. YOU'RE the one who flinched.
Zell: *intensely interested* What was that?
Kiros: YOU said the blender malfunctioned! What in hell were you doing with a gunblade?
Laguna: Aaaaahm... hands-on learning?
Squall: *rolls his eyes* ...Whatever.

Laguna Spray

Not a true bishonenink recipe, this one is from Cooking with Mickey, Volume Two, and is the same beverage you can order at the Outer Rim at Disney's Contemporary Resort in Walt Disney World. But with a name like this, I couldn't leave it out! ^_\

ice cubes
1 1/4 oz dark rum
3/4 oz blackberry brandy
2 oz pineapple juice
2 oz orange juice
1/4 oz grenadine
pineapple wedge

Fill a 12 oz cocktail glass with ice cubes. Add rum, brandy, pinapple juice, orange juice, and grenadine. Pour into a shaker and shake. Return to the original cocktail glass. Garnish with pineapple wedge.

Just the thing to sip while kicking back in your office. Ignore those papers and think about a beach, baby!

Losstarot's Leá Monde Lemonade

Before Leá Monde became a vast ruin full of Crimson Knights (both dead and alive) trying to take Ashley's head off, it was a popular vacation city on Valendia's southern coast. You could get this in any of the taverns on a hot summer day, and kick back to watch the city go by.
Grissom: No fair! How come YOU get the recipe?
Sydney: I have an L in my name. And nobody wants zombies in the kitchen, Grissom.
Grissom: I AM NOT A ZOMBIE! That Leonhart fellow gave me something called a revivify and-
Ashley: Y'know, I don't care how popular the place was, I think I'd still rather go to Miami.
Ashley: Your brother tried to bludgeon me into a pulp!
Grissom: DIE!!
Sydney: ...*yawn* anyway, shall we get on with this?

4 cups lemon sherbet
1 cup frozen lemonade concentrate, thawed
3 cups warm water
ice cubes
lemon slices

Place sherbet in mixing bowl. Using an electric mixer on low speed, add lemonade concentrate and water. Mix well (about 5 minutes). If you are Sydney, you can do this with your hands.

Refrigerate. Serve in tall glasses and garnish with lemon slices.

Relax, and contemplate getting a tattoo.

Marauders' Magical Macaroni

Often kept warm by house elves for when James Potter and co. would come creeping down Hogwart's halls in search of late-night munchies. Specialty de llamajoy!
(by which she means, the only thing that i will actually cook. :p does anyone remember the Urban Peasant? this one's his. --joy)

2 cups short macaroni
3 tbs. butter
8 oz sliced mushrooms
2 medium tomatoes, chopped
1 tsp. dry mustard
8 oz cheddar cheese, shredded (You can use a 12 oz. package, if you're feeling decadent.)
1 large sweet onion, chopped
1 medium green pepper, copped
2 tsp. flour
1/2 tsp. salt
1-2 cups milk
breadcrumbs (optional)

Spread cooked, drained macaroni in a well-greased 9x12 pan. Preheat oven to 350. Toss veggies and butter in a frying pan over medium heat until just tender. Stir in flour, mustard, salt, and oregano. Add milk slowly, stirring continuously. When sauce thickens, add most of the cheese until melted. Pour everything over macaroni and stir (especially corners!) Mix breadcrumbs (if desired) with the remaining cheese and sprinkle on top. Bake 45 minutes, until the top is bubbling and crispy.

Serves four, or one teenage boy mid-growth spurt.

Nisan Chiffon Cake

A la Xenogears! A favorite of Margie and Billy Lee. ...And Ramsus, once he actually got to have some.

2 cups sifted all-purpose flour
1 1/2 cups sugar
1 tbs baking powder
1/2 cup oil
7 eggs (separated)
2 tsp finely shredded orange peel
1 tsp finely shredded lemon peel
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 tsp cream of tartar
1/4 salt
3/4 cold water

In a bowl combine flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt. Add oil, yolks, orange and lemon peels, vanilla, and water. Beat until combined, and then beat quickly until smooth.

Throughly wash beaters.

Fred & George: oo! Don't forget behind the ears!
Billy: Out! This isn't even your recipe!
Fred: You expect us to ignore a blatant Quidditch reference?

In a bowl combine egg whites and cream of tartar. Beat until stiff peaks form. Pour batter in a thin stream over beaten egg whites; fold in gently. Pour into an ungreased 10 inch tube pan. Bake in a 325 oven for 65 to 70 minutes or until top springs back when touched lightly (don't burn yourself!). Immediately invert cake, leaving in pan to cool.

Sacrificing yourself for the greater good of humanity optional. FEI, EAT!

Obi-wan's Ord Mantel Omelette

Ord Mantel, while not exactly the most civilized spot in the galaxy, does have some fantastic local cuisine. This recipe makes enough for one very large master and a growing padawan, or about four servings.
If you are a Jedi, you can prepare this dish by means of the Culinary Training Exercise, which requires you to prepare the whole thing from ten feet away by using the Force, and to cook it with your lightsaber. Everybody else can do it this way:

1 large onion
3 tablespoons butter
2 cloves garlic
salt and pepper
8 eggs
6 tomatoes
6 tablespoons grated parmesan cheese or 3 tablespoons crumbled feta cheese (optional)

Skin and slice the tomatoes. Finely chop the onion and lightly fry in the butter in a large frying pan. Crush the garlic and add to the onion. When lightly browned, add the tomatoes and salt and pepper. Cook gently, turning several times, until tomatoes are soft.

Beat the eggs lightly, add cheese if desired, and add to the frying pan. Cook over low heat, periodically loosening egg from sides of pan, until set on one side. Turn and cook on reverse side.

Best served by a submissive padawan on his knees.

Palin's Potato Salad

Palin: *indignant* I have a sneaky suspicion that I'm only here because nobody else started with P. It's not like I'm on the page or anything. Anything I was written in was usually bad Mary Sue in Tenshi's early ficcing days.
Raistlin: My dear nephew. If she wrote you NOW, you are aware of the position that would place ME in, aren't you?
Palin: *blush* Erm, yes, well, of course, Uncle. I mean, that is, I'm well aware of the sorts of things that go on here, and--
Raistlin: Get on with it, young one. I'll go see about getting a collar in your size. Dalamar, assist my nephew.
Dalamar: *bows* As you wish, shalafi. *smirks at Palin* It's not as though you'd MIND being on your Uncle's leash.
Palin: !! Let's get on with this, shall we? I don't like the look of those other wizards.
Dalamar: *eyes Draco*
Draco: *eyes Dalamar*
Dalamar: On the contrary--
Palin: *frantically* Right! Potato Salad!!

1 lb. russet potatoes
1/2 cucumber (see directions)
1/2 small white or yellow onion, thinly sliced (see directions)
1 teaspoon yellow mustard (A touch of Dijon mustard is also nice.)
3 large sandwich slices of ham, cut into small squares
1/2 cup mayonnaise
salt and black pepper to taste

Boil the unpeeled potatoes. Meanwhile, cut the cucumber lengthwise and remove the seeds. Cut the cucumber into thin slices and place them in a small bowl. Add one teaspoon salt and mix well. Cut the onion into thin slices and soak them in cold water until you're ready to use them. When the potatoes are done, remove the skins and cut the potatoes lengthwise, then cut them into pieces about 1 inch wide. Wash the cucumber with water and squeeze the water out. Also squeeze the water from the onion. Place the potatoes, cucumber and onion slices, ham, and the rest of the ingredients in a large bowl and mix well.

Palin: Right! We'll be leaving now. ...Dalamar? ...Uncle?

Quistis' Quintessential Quiche

You're not the only gourmet in this Garden, Kinneas.
Real men don't eat Quiche, Quisty.
Real men don't dress like that either.

baked pastry crust (bake it right before you use it)
3 beaten eggs
1 1/2 cups milk
1/4 cup sliced green onion
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon pepper
dash ground nutmeg
3/4 cup chopped cooked chicken, ham, or crabmeat
1 1/2 cups shredded swiss, cheddar, montery jack, or havarti cheese
1 tbs all-purpose flour

In a bowl stir together eggs, milk, onion, salt, pepper, and nutmeg. Stir in chicken, crabmeat, or ham. Toss together the shredded cheese and flour, add to egg mixture and mix well. Pour egg mixture into hot pastry shell. Bake at 325 for 35 to 40 minutes or until a knife inserted in the middle comes out clean. Let stand 10 minutes before serving.

So, can I kiss the chef?

Reno, Rude, Rufus & Reeve's R-mageddon Ratatouille

Just to prove that the men of the ShinRa mansion CAN cook. Tseng does too, but his name doesn't start with "R" so he's out of luck. Maybe, if you ask real nice, he'll let us in on his Teriyaki Shark recipe.

2 cups cubed, peeled eggplant
1 small zuchinni, halved lengthwise and cut into 1/4 inch slices
1 7 1/2 oz can tomatoes, cut up
1/2 cup finely chopped onion
2 tbs olive oil
2 tbs dry white wine (or water)
1/2 tsp crushed dried basil
1/4 tsp garlic salt
1/8 tsp pepper
1/2 cup shredded swiss cheese

In a large skillet combine egg plant, zucchini, undrained tomatoes, onion, olive oil, wine, basil, garlic salt, and pepper. Bring to boiling, reduce heat. Cover, simmer about 20 minutes or till veggies are tender.

Cook, uncovered, 5 to 10 minutes more or till thickened, stirring occasionally. Sprinkle with cheese.

Makes two to four servings. Double Triple the recipe if AVALANCHE is coming over for dinner.

Sigurd's Swiss-Stuffed Shells

(Sigurd Harcourt: The original one-eyed, navel-ringed, sexy-haired, tummy-showin', Ygg-steerin', Bart-banging, royal-blooded, gourmet-cookin' former Element and Dancing Queen. But you didn't hear it from us. ^_~ this recipe is a bishonenink favorite.)

Keep Bartholomei out of the kitchen during the preperation, or he'll be after your sauce with a spoon.
You never complain when I'm after your sauce, Sig. ^_#
erum, Young Master, I think you should get your own recipe. #_0;
Can't. Billy stole the B slot -_#
Well, behave, and I'll let you have the pot when I'm done #_^

3 tbs. corn starch
1 1/2 tsp. salt (divided)
3 cups milk
1 1/2 cups (6oz) shredded swiss cheese
4 oz. italian sausage, out of casing and crumbled
1/4 cup chopped onion
2 cups coarsely chopped cooked chicken (use some boneless breasts for easiest preparation, boil in water till opaque through)
1 pkg (10oz) frozen chopped spinach, thawed and well-drained
1/3 cup grated parmesan cheese
1/8 tsp. pepper
6 oz (about 16) jumbo pasta shells, COOKED and drained

In a large saucepan stir together corn starch and 1 tsp. salt. Gradually stir in milk until smooth. Add margarine. Stirring constantly, bring to a boil over medium heat and boil one minute. Remove from heat. Remove 1 cup sauce, set aside. Stir swiss cheese into remaining sauce until melted. It will strongly resemble... er, well, you'll know when it's ready.

In a small skillet, cook sausage and onion until no longer pink, stirring frequently. In a bowl combine the sausage mixture, chicken, spinach, reserved 1 cup sauce, parmesan cheese, remaining salt, and pepper.

Spoon about 2 tbs. into each shell. Place in a 11x7x2 (or similar) baking dish. Spoon cheese sauce over shells. Bake in 350 degree oven 20 to 25 minutes, or until heated through. Makes four servings if you're willing to share, but you won't be. Perfect for two, with leftovers for lunch.

Any plans for the leftover sauce? #_^
*eyeing Sig's tummy* ...Yeah. ^___#

Squall & Seifer's Seriously Scarred Sandwiches

Just the thing for a quick lunch between violent clashes of personality and filming duels for opening sequences.

For Squall:
Toast two slices white or sourdough bread. Add thin sliced ham and swiss cheese, microwave until slightly melty. Slice diagonally left to right.
Enjoy... or whatever.

For Seifer:
Toast two slices white bread, and cover each slice with muenster cheese. Microwave until cheese is melty. Add cold sliced tomato and sprinkle with dill. Slice diagonally right to left.
Live your dream.

Treize's Tragically Tyrannous Thai Iced Tea

Oh, it's so good to be bad. This beverage is an experiment in decadance, and it just matches the perfect skin of one Chang Wufei.

8 chinese-style red or black tea bags (oolong is good)
4 cups boiling water
ground cinamon
1/2 cup evaporated milk

Pour boiling water over teabags and let steep for five minutes. Remove tea bags and let tea cool slightly. It is best to add sugar now, while the tea is warm. Add sugar to taste but be aware that Thai iced tea is traditionally very sweet, like a dessert. Fill four 10 to 12 oz glasses with ice cubes, then fill two-thirds full with tea. Into each glass stir about two tablespoons evaporated milk (our local Thai resturant will usually just top off the glass). Add a dash of cinamon and stir.

Contemplate your next move in world domination.

Uke Upside Down Cake

Bottoms up! Peach flavored, sweet and best served warm, this'll have all your tops wanting to bottom out.
Cloud: I really object to this.
Nuriko: Face it, kid. You're doomed to spread.
Remus: Well at least that makes sense. why am I here? I'm not submissive, I'm a werewolf for the love of god!
Quatre: There are advantages in seeming to be the innocent one, Lupin-san.
Nagi: Nobody knows we're really in control.
Sai: Oh, loves, don't be giving away all our secrets, right?
All: *innocent smiles*
Sai: Good lads.

4 tablespoons butter
1/2 cup light brown sugar
1/4 teaspoon grated nutmeg
2 cups peaches, sliced thin
1 teaspoon fresh lemon juice
1 1/3 cups cake flour
3/4 cup sugar
1 3/4 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
3 tablespoons butter
1/2 cup milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 egg

Melt the butter in an 8-inch square pan. Add the brown sugar and nutmeg and blend well. Remove the pan from the heat and arrange the peach slices, slightly overlapping them, on the brown-sugar mixture. Sprinkle the peach slices with lemon juice.

Sift the flour with the sugar, baking powder and salt. Stir the butter to soften it, then stir in the flour mixture, milk and vanilla extract. Mix until the flour is dampened.

Beat the batter for two minutes with an electric mixer at medium speed or beat 300 strokes by hand. Add the egg, and beat for one minute longer with the mixer or 150 strokes by hand. Pour the batter over the peaches.

Bake in a preheated 375F oven for 35 minutes. Cool the cake in the pan for five minutes and then invert it onto a serving plate; let stand for one minute more before removing the pan. Serve warm, with or without ice cream.

Vincent Valentine's Vegetarian Ziti

Popular at La Vitesse on cold nights, Vincent picked up the recipe in his Turk days and has carried it around in his head since. Since Meteor destroyed most of Midgar's upper levels, this may be the only recipe left from the popular hangout. If any more turn up, we'll be sure to pass them along.

1 bag penne or ziti pasta
1 can whole peeled tomatoes, sliced or cubed
1/3 c. red cooking wine
1/4 c. capers
1 c. broccoli flowers
1/4 c. olive oil
5 or 6 cloves crushed fresh garlic
1 green bell pepper, chunked.
2 c. fresh spinach leaves
1 carrot, shredded
1 cup mozzarella cheese

Cook pasta about 1/2 way, until firm yet tender. Drain, set aside. In a pan, heat oil, mix in garlic, add wine until warm. Add vegetables (except tomatoes!!) to wine mixture, let simmer about three to five minutes. Put pasta in 13"X9"X2" baking dish, pour wine mixture and vegetables over. Toss gently. Place cut up tomatoes on top, sprinkle on cheese and cover pan with aluminum foil. Bake at 350 for 40 minutes. Remove from oven, stir, serve with garlic or French bread.

Go to support group for guilt-laden Turks.

Wufei's Wacky Waffles

Submitted by Duo.

You will need:
maple syrup, warmed but not hot
Wufei in the Shower
a good knowledge of plumbing
two close friends with good grips, positioned on either side of the kitchen door (Trowa and Quatre are always willing.)
a cleared off area, such as a counter or good sturdy kitchen table

When your Wufei has gone into the shower, use your plumbing skills to cut off the water. (It is best to wait until you are sure the Wufei is rinsed, because soap tastes yeechy with maple syrup. To this end, the true gourmand may want to install some surveillance equipment in the bathroom. You might want to do this anyway.) Yell loudly that you are doing something in the kitchen, and the water'll be back on in an hour or so.

Wait for Wufei to stomp in and rant about injustice and equal shower time.

Enlist the aid of your two close friends to grab said drippy Wufei. (Caution, the Wufei will be slippery. You might want to have some cuffs or rope or chains or some other household bondage implement handy.)

Place him on cleared off surface.

Administer syrup.

Totemo oishi~i desu ne? ^_^

X-- their cheesecake was foreordained-- Apocalypse Amaretto Cheesecake

If only the end of the world tasted so good. Make this one for your next New Year's party. ^_^ For best results, eat while lying sprawled languidly in a bed of cherry petals, in some form of Japanese rumpled schoolboy uniform. Clamp-eyes optional.

1-1/2 cups graham cracker crumbs
2 tablespoons sugar
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1 stick plus 2 tablespoons butter, melted

3 (8 ounces) packages cream cheese, softened
1 cup sugar
4 eggs
1/3 cup amaretto

1 cup sour cream
1 tablespoon amaretto
2 tablespoon sugar

1/2 cup roasted almonds
1 tablespoon grated chocolate

Mix all the ingredients together for the crust and press into bottom of 9 inch springform pan and up the sides 1/2 inch. (You can use a glass pie plate too, let's be reasonable here.)

For the filling, beat the cream cheese until it is fluffy. Gradually add sugar. Add eggs one at a time, beating well after each. Stir in 1/3 cup amaretto and pour into pan. Bake at 375 degrees for 45-40 minutes. Remove from oven and turn oven to 500 degrees.

For the topping, mix ingredients and pour over the cheesecake and put in the oven for 5 minutes at 500 degrees. Let the cake cool to room temperature and then refrigerate for 24-48 hours to ripen. Decorate with roasted almonds and grated chocolate.

Blow up Tokyo.

Yohji's Yummy Bean Fritters

What the hell's a fritter, anyway? Who comes UP with this stuff? Yohji actually swiped this recipe from his obaasan, but he pretends it's his own.

1 large egg
1/2 cup evaporated milk
1 cup all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/8 teaspoon salt
1/3 cup light brown sugar
1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/3 cup chunky or smooth Japanese bean paste
6 cups peanut oil or vegetable oil
1/4 cup sugar (optional)

In a small bowl, combine egg and milk. In a medium bowl, sift together flour, baking powder, salt, brown sugar and cinnamon. Add the egg and milk to the flour mixture; stir until blended. Stir in bean paste. In a wok or shallow pan, heat oil to 350. Drop batter into the hot oil by the tablespoonful. Fry fritters 3 to 5 minutes, turning often to brown evenly. Cut open one fritter to be sure the batter is cooked inside. Roll hot fritters in sugar or serve plain. Makes about 12 fritters.

Or 65, if you make the balls too small. Or three, if you make them too big.

Nice for impressing the girls with your cooking ability.

Zell's Zippy CheeZ Dip

This is astronomically simple, and great to chow down on while ripping your way though SquareSoft's latest or crunching for your SeeD exams. Both of these things live for eons in a fridge, even the little dorm jobs they have in Balamb G lounge areas. Just make sure the ingredients are under lock and key or they will vanish.


In a microwavable bowl (or in a glass salsa jar without lid, if you've already eaten half the salsa) combine roughly equal parts of salsa and velveta cut into strips or chunks for easy melting. Cover with paper plate and nuke one minute. Stir. Repeat until the dip is melted and smooth, serve hot with chips right out of the bag.

Better with friends and beer, but that means you have to share. ^_^} Also yummy when drizzled over hot dogs.

Easy Cheesy
Tenshi first got hooked on the cheese dip while playing through the SNES copy of Final Fantasy II (IV) she stole from her ex boyfriend.