way of lost children, outtakes
[vagrant story, original story llamajoy, outtakes Tenshi]
here we have tenshi's rendition of my extremely obscure vagrant story yule fic, way of lost children. the one with a grown-up joshua bardorba, his spooky kid corrin, and jonathan [hardin] lesait? yeah, that one, the one that no one remembers.
i'm not sure if she's summarizing me, here, or making fun of me, or what. it's either scarily accurate or highly irrelevant, but either way, i laughed out loud. for maximum reading enjoyment, it helps if you've just muddled your way through the story (way of lost children, that is) and are sitting there in front of your computer screen thinking to yourself, "... the fuck?!" but i think it'd be funny even without that.
[Bardorba Manor, Yuletide Eve]
Joshua: Argh argh argh, I don't want to go, social fun party ick yuck.
Party: *hot, crowded, social, and noisy*
Joshua: Bugger this. *leaves*
[side hall]
Jon: *drinking his wassail, glad to be out of the noise, looking at this family painting that's bugging him*
Joshua: Yo.
Jon: Wussup, homey?
Joshua: S'too bleeding hot in there. I say, do I know you?
Jon: I'm LeSait's representative whatsit.
Joshua: Right, I think I saw you when I was in Etienne's looking for a pair of hot pink velvet breeches.
Jon: They aren't making them anymore.
Joshua: I know, damn shame. I say, you look familiar.
Jon: I was just thinking the same thing.
Joshua: I don't suppose you could possibly be the reincarnation of the man I barely remember but who haunts my dreams from my repressed childhood memories of some really awful thing that happened to me when I was four and a half years old involving some skinny bint with metal arms, a trigger happy riskbreaker and the entire cast of Thriller?
Jon: ...I...
Joshua: ...Yes?
Jon: *ponders* Perhaps...
Joshua: ...Yes?!?
Jon: ...Nope, I was in Pittsburgh that weekend.
Joshua: Aw, fuck.
Jon: Sorry. Say, I think I feel vaguely ill and will have to stay right here in this castle in your very bed as if there are not ten dozen other rooms for me to stay in just so we can fuck and have some holiday epiphanies.
Joshua: You do? How strange. We cut the sick bit.
Jon: We did?
Josh: We did.
Jon: Cripes, why do I hang about, then?
Josh: Errruuuuuuummmmmmm... A storm?
Jon: A storm?
Josh: A storm.
Jon: It's a bit temperate here for that.
Josh: *gasp!* Wow! 45 feet of snow have just fallen in the past three point nine seconds! And you being a lord and all, I can't let you sleep in the hall, you can have a room next to mine.
Jon: Well, that's more feasible. Well, except for the snow.
Josh: Get on with it, man.
Jon: Right. have I mentioned my last name is Hardin?
Josh: *gaasp!* Hardin? Is it? Could it be? I know that name, I know I do! *tears at his hair, bangs his head into the wall* Was he my bus driver? No, my tuba instructor? No, my chief toe manicurist--
Jon: Don't kill the exposition, dude. We haven't had sex yet.
Josh: Fuck! You're right! Well, best get on with it then, no epiphanies before sex, I'll have it while you lie beside me sleeping peacefully, looking a bit dead with that pre-snowflies half-smile.
Jon: And there is snow outside.
Josh: Right. And church bells.
Jon: 'Cause this is a Christmas fic.
Josh: Right.
Jon: Well. Let's get on with it, then.
~fin